Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
