I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
