It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
