Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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