he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
