Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
