Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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