Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
