I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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