I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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