I didn't shave. On purpose
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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