We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Randomize
