the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have fence marks all over my body
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize