You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
