I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
