I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
