I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
