Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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