im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
