Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
