i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
