I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The feeling are messing with the penis
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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