Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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