just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
