just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
