oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
