i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
