Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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