You're so nebulous sometimes
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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