Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize