Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
