Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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