I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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