he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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