im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
