I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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