that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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