i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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