What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
