That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
