Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
