Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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