I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
