Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
