question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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