And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
