38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
