are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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