I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
