you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
