Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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