Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize