you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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