if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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