Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
