she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize