the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
