i jhust puked up my retainher.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
