either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
