WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
