I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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