i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My vagina is officially offended.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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