The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
