Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When are your genitals available?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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