my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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