Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
