You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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