Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
